Ari's Daydreams

Son

2006-11-05T16:11:03Z

Trying to rub off black spots on his nose before I realized they were markings.
Back slinking away.
A paw reaching through the air to touch me.
Sleeping on my newly folded towel.
Running to me with a look of joy after I reprimanded Mischief for picking on him.
Sitting in front of my monitor with me trying to see what I typed around him.
Hanging from my desk to knead my lap.
Laying on my lap with his head on my left hand as I try to type.
Stretched across my work log on the desk.
Kneading my stomach, dancing, then crawling into the crook of my arm to sleep.
Wandering about the house crying to tell me the water bowls are empty.
Loving me then so angry he ignored me for a year, then loving me even more for a year and a half.
Gazing at me as I stroked his face, sleeping in the litter pan.
Kissing his head before they took him.
Gone.

I will always love him, there will never ever be another with so much personality, so many quirks, and so much love.

Goodbye my son.

Are you sitting down?

2006-07-05T11:05:19Z

YES I'M POSTING!!!

We're here in VT, the move went really well although there are items we must go back for. I'm working off a friend's computer right now to post this :) HOPEFULLY our own internet connection will be up and running by tomorrow. Everyone is well, if you need our new phone email me! (or respond here). What a difference from CT. All the folks here are great. Very friendly neighbors, and check out people who want to hold conversations with you long after you've paid. Might sound like nothing, but after the CT attitudes, it's really refreshing here, in more ways than just the air. SOOOOO here's the post, we are here, and Christopher and Holly will resume their journals shortly I promise you.

Tinkering

2004-11-15T14:17:19Z

It was a great weekend, all the shit included ~gasp! I mean the poop deck!~ We rocked, and when I couldn't rock I sang, and broke, of course, a string on my gitfiddle. (Calm down! Not my g-string)

So now driving to work I was listening to my little demo cd of the songs we would like to do. One which is wholly Amy's, set for the time she remembers the bass part and will sing and play it, another finding me breaking the speed limit. I'll be sure to tell the cops it was the music in me!!

Fun fun fun, calloused fingers and a broken string soon to be all better as silly me left my strings at home!!

A - O - Let's GO!

Falling into place

2004-11-02T23:24:24Z

I walked downstairs to put my black sneakers of before work, looked around for them and saw them on Holly's feet! "You said I could wear them" Well yes, for Halloween, but not to school, they are my sne.....um....my daughter is wearing my shoes. Moms and Dads out there, savor every moment, they go so fast, just yesterday she was chasing the Enterprise around the TV set with hands smaller than my big toe.

We signed for the home equity loan tonight, went to McDonalds (sshhhhh don't tell Holly) then went to vote, so soon our life will financially be back on track.

FALO is gone, and although I am saddened by my saddened friends, I am relieved and know in my heart twas the right thing to do.

Cindy will be fine, they biopsied the tumor, the Dr said "not possible, do it again" they did, and it's benign. WHOO HOOO!

My job will indeed be ending in January, maybe I'll take my bosses advice and be on unemployment for a week or two before barreling into my next one. We'll see, but I'm not going to worry about that right now.

Most of the obstacles are gone, my husband is still my devoted living dictionary (thanks honey, you'll know when I typed this), and I look forward to tomorrow once again. Tired, very tired, but I know I'm entering another life change, and this time I feel it's for the better.

Here we go! HANG ON!!!!

Just the facts jack!

2004-10-21T12:01:56Z

1) Cindy made it out of surgery fine!
2) Holly has strep throat but with the meds will be fine by Friday
3) We may yet get that Home Equity Loan
4) I may still have my job until we get the loan, but very possibly not after December 31st. Here we go again

Another test

2004-10-01T17:19:34Z

Look out Rinka, here is a pop quiz! rinkatur

Got it

2004-10-01T00:48:23Z

Got the damned dress. Shopping should not be this traumatic. They make so many dresses to fit like a glove, showing EVERY curve, and having gone up a full dress size to a 10 (I'm only 5'1 so to you taller ladies this is NOT good for my height) those curves are NOT meant to be shown off. Finally narrowed it to a sparklie filmy thing, or a full length black velvet that would need some serious hemming. With the wedding 2 days away, hemming is not in the realm of possibility.

I hate shopping. I hate shopping for dresses. I hate DRESSES! Can't I just wear sweat pants and a tee?

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Blah blah blah

2004-09-29T23:13:09Z

Look, I got one. ~snicker~ I think my brain fried out as I'm just in too silly of a mood.

Three words I hate

2004-09-29T14:46:26Z

We talk once a week now at least. I’ve been through this before, I won’t lose someone dear to me again without having said I love you at least once before she’s gone. Connie and I made sure to say it the last three times we spoke, before she left, and I have comfort in knowing that although she KNEW my heart, I said the words.

K told me that something she owns and I cherish “she will make sure I get it when she’s gone” those words hit like a bullet right between my eyes. This is her third bout, she is resigned, and I don’t know how someone can take it so well. I see it every day where I work. How can they smile when it would tear me apart? I don’t want to hear those words.

We laughed about new things, pirates and vampires. She is starting a new group in January, after she recovers from the surgery, and it’s a pyramid, she is the top, and in her words “my rules, don’t like it, leave” She told me a lot about pirates and Florida, and plans on sending me information, if she does or not I really don’t care. Just as long as I keep calling her.

I want to go to Florida. I want to see her one last time, because I know how suddenly things shift. But we can’t. I want to go in February. Would be a great anniversary gift to me, birthday gift to Holly. They have a pirate parade there in February that she said she would video tape for me. I would rather see it with her beside me. I don’t think we can, but I wish we could.

This so diminishes the bullshit that’s been going on the past few weeks, shows me just how unimportant that turmoil is when living and having fun living is so much more important. Everything from my laptop being broken, to the problems with my knee, to my weight, to FALO….have just fallen into perspective with those words….”when I’m gone”

What a heavy post.

Aren't rumors amazing things?

2004-09-28T11:01:27Z

As of last night several people were mentioning to others that Starshadow had left FALO already, that he stated it in a post. Although I found one that might, if read too quickly, seem to say it, no such decision was ever reached.

Foreshadowing however is an incredible thing, but I would not wish to see this rumor get too far. Yes he might, but if anyone thinks he has, or hears others stating he has, please let them know that this decision has NOT been made, at least not yet?

"Rather than make my friends have to sit around and have a devisive argument over whether or not to oust me, something that our newest laws allow to be done far easier than ever before (and I saw this coming when that became law), I will perhaps spare my friends that unpleasantness and just step down... and out. I just can't face sitting there watching two people say I should go, while the two closer to my heart fight an internal struggle over love for me verses what is best for FALO, and only one of them needs to cave now to make it so."

This might be the paragraph, if the rest of the message isn't really read fully, and the word "I will perhaps" is taken to mean it's been done.

Thanks!

Bye bye heels

2004-09-27T14:58:54Z

Put on my sandals yesterday before we went to the mall, took one step down a stair and got a ripping pain in my knee again...sooo...thank you A for those flat back sneakers you gave me, they are JUST fancy enough to wear with my uniform at work, and comfy enough to wear to the mall, so they will take the place of the heels. I hate to admit it but I think it's heels and excess weight that has messed up my knee. Now THERE is a motivation to diet again, unfortunately with the knee as it is I can't exercise, but I might see how the bike works.

As for the mall...PAINLESS! The very first rack we went to for Holly had not one, not two, but THREE great dresses, and in her sizes! Tried on the 12s and she's graduated to size 14! You grow girl! We took two of them home with us BOTH on sale and we didn't even know it. Christopher likewise did not take to long to find pants, so we got the yucky stuff out of the way and got to do the fun shopping and McDonalds!

Finally broke down and got the software to allow my mac (I LOVE MY MAC DO NOT THINK DIFFERENTLY!) to emulate a PC, took 5 hours to load my favorite game, only to find I need a 3d device. ~~SIGH~~ Upgraded my OS X to Panther, bought a 512 memory card to make it rock at 768 then bought the software to run PC game and crappola. ((other updates like ram and os were over time, did NOT go insane in the computer store in one fell swoop!)) Oh well, will call my apple aid and ask them if there is something I can buy. If not at the very least now I can open all those word docs friends send me!

Enough rambling. SHEESH I'm really using this journal!

Every day should end like this.

2004-09-26T03:16:41Z

What a GREAT day. We really needed this, so many other aspects of our lives recently are just so damned disheartening. Today couldn't happen soon enough, and damn it now it's over!!!

It started with a D20 version of Seven Seas, a pirate based D&D sort of game. (actually it started last night with me clipping the fingernails on my left hand but I'll explain that in a bit) We had TONS of food, surprised A&A with being in costume when they showed up, and the game just went great. The characters just melded together to form a perfect party, and before we realized it five or more hours had passed! The game ended and it was time to jam!

The guitars came out, as did the bass and the drums and before we knew it music (not noise, music) was blaring from the amps. I pulled out my guitar too, though most of the night I played unplugged so as not to ruin the great sounds they were making. Some of it came back to me, but with two years behind me of not lifting my guitar I have a long road ahead of me (and yes, that's why I clipped my nails, I've never mastered playing chords with long nails). Towards the end of the eve I actually did plug in for a few songs, and those I did not plug in on I realized I was keeping up with. I still have a ways to go to get back to where I was, but I think it won't take me long. That and singing and playing the tambourine I had a great time. My biggest trouble was not my fingers feeling like they were ripped raw, but my knee not letting me stand or sit on a stool or sit on the floor for more than 5 minutes at a time without sharp pains. No clue why this has started happening, it's the same knee I had the surgery on many years ago, but its more than healed since then. But that aside, and after I took some of Christopher's anti-inflammatories, I still had an awesome time.

We broke for dinner, then got back to playing, then sat and chatted and had dessert and damn it if it wasn't suddenly nearly 11pm. They had been here more than 12 hours yet it felt like 3?

We need more days like this. And I think there shall be more coming. Nice. Makes all the nastiness just not matter so much.

Tomorrow will be a busy day too. Normal chores, then we have to shop for new outfits for each of us for the wedding and the 80th birthday party that are coming up in October. Unlike most women, I detest clothes shopping, but oh well, it's still a nice day out with the family.

Gotta repeat this though, what a great day.

What a Queen does on her day off

2004-09-24T11:22:08Z

***giggle***

You are a wench! Saucy and sharp tounged, you know
how to have a good time! Serving in alehouses
and taverns, wenches are notorious for their
healthy sexual appitite. Although very
flirtatious, you wont let any man take
advantage of you. With a fiery temper, you know
how to defend yourself and your ale!

What Renaissance Type Woman are you? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You asked why

2004-09-23T22:45:41Z

I've received some emails, I've received some phone calls, I've received some instant messages. People want more reasons, more specific reasons why I am leaving, and although I will now open myself up to those who have their blades ready, I again ask folks take it from where this is coming. My opinion, my heart. I won't be coherent, and some points will be unclear, that's just a problem --I-- have expressing myself....so....here goes, and it's not all of it.

My feelings are that the magic is gone, that we can't be silly and frivolous without someone getting bent out of shape, can't say something from our hearts without getting attacked, and also I just can't stand Springfests. Having a moonstone is a responsibility. It means participation and work to make the Springfest run, and rightfully so. So for me to detest springfests and not want to go to them...that is not meeting my responsibility as a member.

Also look at the springfests. They've become rigid and structured, To have a faerie parade UNPLANNED, spontaneous, that's the word, there's no chance to be spontaneous! Because someone will come down on you for getting into the middle of a roleplay, or because your timing is off and you're drawing something away from a timed event. Ka used to steal folks shoes, and play pranks. Now-a-days if someone does such people will run to an Elder to COMPLAIN about it! THAT'S WHAT FAERIES DO! That's what ELVES do. Fun, mischief, frivolity. It's all lost, and we don't dare be silly as we will be shot down. FALO has taken a humorless and stoic turn. When we came up with Fantasy and Legends, we meant unicorns, satyrs, nymphs, dragons, elves, brownies, pixies. Mages and the knights that would rescue the fair maiden from the dragon (or vice versa) But now....all I see are the knights of the round table. Avalon is clouded by mists.

Yet, there are many that are happy with this, so I will step back. People entering the group now do not know what it was. They like how it is, and that is fine, for them, for what FALO has become.

But back to Springfests, I don’t care for them, they are not healthy for my daughter, and with my zoo (anyone who knows me cannot deny I have a zoo) I can either go one day and drive home the same night, or hire a pet nanny for about $250.00 for the weekend. Last year had Holly not been sick Christopher actually suggested we drive down, spend the day, drive home, then the next morning drive back again to finish our obligation of cleaning the campsite. Insane. But bottom line, I just don’t enjoy them, and they are a center point of FALO, a responsibility to be borne by every member. One I do not want. So how in good conscience can I stay a member and shirk that responsibility. The answer is simply I cannot. Call it honor. Call it insane, but it’s the truth.

A dear friend suggested I simply step back, keep the moonstone, and tell the elders I need a break from a few springfests. The truth is I’d happly never go to another one. And I know the Elders, this would never sit with them. Would never be accepted, and so my path is now set before me.

There is more,much more, but some of it I do not dare print. Some reasons I have no doubt would hurt feelings of those dear to me, some would get others rampaging in righteous indignation, so those reasons I keep to myself. There, I've done my best. And now dear ones I hope you understand.

areanna @ 2004-09-23T07:03:00

2004-09-23T11:06:40Z

Congratulations, you make it until the end! You
are the strong, modestly good looking man or
woman who doesn't take it from anybody.

How fast would you die in a cheesy zombie flick?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ummm....scarey....I get to see it all, watch everyone around me die, and live through it all! :) One way to look at it, you have to admit. ORRRR I can save the world! Half Empty ... Half Full!

Winds of Change

2004-09-20T17:01:43Z

I don't post here a lot, my life from day to day while important to me and mine is not so changing that I feel the need to write here. Important occurences, the death of a pet, things of that order....those I will sometimes put into words, into text. I was going to send an email to a handful of friends and loved ones to tell of my decision, but Star suggested I put it here, I'll still send an email out to a select few, but...well here it is.

Goodbye to FALO. You are no longer to me what you once were. You are bitter, banal, old and withering. Uncaring and vindictive. No not all, there is light, there is love, there is laughter and there are undying friendships. But I've seen too many come forward with daggers rather than hugs, and I've seen too much pain and not a little uncaring.

We opened our home so many times. So many times our rules, simple, were unheeded. We ask folks not to smoke. My daughter is highly asthmatic, it's not simply that we hate smoking, it is deeper than that. Yet Star had to go out to the tavern and request the smokers stop, someone was actually sitting on his car smoking. The next day we found cigarette butts on the bar. The curb was full of cigarette butts, but more than that...

For more than half the gather there was a congregation of smokers in the road, some chatting idly with neighbors, others just having their fix...for hours. When they could have been roleplaying in the back yard, they were fully out of character for hours in the front talking with mundanes. We might as well just throw summer costume parties, as it was little more than that.

Oh god don't go insane on me here. I fully expect to be blasted for pouring out my heart. It's so much more than what I've typed above. 17 years of dedication, I've noticed Areanna has lost her frivolity. War rule not mischief and frivolity. And more and more we move from the magic of elves to the ways of man. Well was that not always the case? This is not the vision Elowyn, Ghost, Raven and I came up with. This is not what we were, and no, nothing ever stays the same, and change is good. Many many many are totally happy with FALO and what it has become. I admit I've become lax. I can give no more. I am burnt out and have no more to give.

As Star will remain in FALO this is not the ultimate test of friendship. I will go as his guest occasionally, I will not be going to the springfest, but going to gathers I will still see my friends. I wish to believe my FALO friends are more than that. That they are also "not part of FALO anymore but still friends" That they will not vanish because Star and I have. Again it's not come to that, he's not leaving, I am. But what about if and when he does. Will those friends we believe are true to our hearts still be in our circle? I hope so. My feelings won't change on them, that is certain.

But for now my interest has wained. I've gone from full moon to new moon, and stopped the spin. I love FALO, or rather the memories I have of it. It's no longer what we four envisioned. Nor should it be, again, change is good, but it's not how I would have had it change. And yes, before I am told "do something about it" I tried. I've aided role plays, have more I WILL aid even when I am a guest, and tried to fill the Elder shoes again, but that didn't work. If being an Elder for a year and trying to continue roleplaying is not "doing something about it" what is. And apathy has set in. I'm tired, and though painful to admit. I'm done.

Enough said. I hope folks can understand this comes from my heart, and I hope they take a day or two to reflect before blasting my opinions (if that is their initial reaction)

As is so true....Merry part, and I still love you.

If the shoe fits???

2004-06-16T11:25:23Z

=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 width=200px><tr><td bgcolor="#ffcccc" align="center">How to make a Areanna</td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="white">Ingredients:

3 parts mercy

5 parts crazyiness

1 part instinct</td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#ffffcc">Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of sadness and enjoy!</td></tr></table>

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

More sausages

2004-06-14T00:30:26Z

This didn't work, so I deleted the silly thing rather than have yucko's hanging around!

Color me purple

2003-12-04T23:14:15Z

you are darkviolet
#9400D3

Your dominant hues are blue and magenta. You're the one who goes to all the parties but doesn't quite fit in at every one... you know what you want, but are afraid of what the world might think of it. You're a little different and that's okay with them, and if you're smart it's okay with you too.

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Turkey Day

2003-11-27T14:45:03Z

I woke up, got outta bed, dragged a comb across my head, on my way .....wait..no...that was the Beatles. :) Sunshining Thanksgiving, spent with my family. Looking forward to today :) Silly journal entry I know, but we're testing how I type this stuff up!

Grey Mist

2003-11-26T12:26:01Z

Where is it? I don't mean the last three months since Mystique died and I've posted, I mean the magic that was FALO? The halls of the fey has become the halls of the fray. We fought, be battled, but we would come to FALO with those battles to be told. Roleplays were of a light heart. Now tis dark and grim. Fear ridden and sorrowful...wait, is that FALO, or is that my perception of it.

So much has changed. I thought I could reclaim it, instead, in the circle I have moved into, I find new battles. Old ways lost. There are bright specks...but not many. And I have to wonder, is it time to move on, or step back? In 5 years it won't matter, but I've come to realize I can't keep living for what is on the horizon of five years, I have to think of today, for that is where I stand. The next few weeks shall be telling ones.

Life's a bitch, and then you cry

2003-09-05T02:54:01Z

Gone. Like the touch of a cool breeze out of nowhere on a summers day. One moment I'm kissing her face, then next I'm closing her eyes...trying to. Those beautiful big eyes. Omen's eyes...I saw him there the day she told me she was sick and I brought her to the vet and found out she had cancer. Omen's eyes...I saw him looking out of hers when she went across the bridge, as I held her face and forced her to see mine as the last thing she saw. I asked him once to come back to me. I think he did, briefly...and I morn her passing...and relive his. He came into my life before Holly was born, and I gave him three years of love he never would have had...but today is not his story, it's Mystiques. God I will miss her. She was so beautiful, so loving. I'll miss those paws on my thigh, the soft extend of claws as she asks to be picked up and placed in my lap. I'll miss her eyes watching me, her soft coat and incredibly fluffy beautiful tail, and her spirit. I will miss her. What did she do to deserve the fate handed to her....or what did I do to cause it to happen? Was this Bast's way of saying I should have checked Baghira for cancer when he started peeing? Her punishment for giving up all the cats at once, only to 6 months later take in two more? Or was this her way of saying, love my creatures. You give them love when others would turn from them, so you are their gift when their destiny is to die young. Four. Loki, Omen, Bridgette, and Mystique. Hers is the hardest. I will miss her terribly. I already do. I had to do it, yet I still wonder, should I have held out another two weeks? Selfish. I know it. But I loved/love her so.

Keep on moving!

2003-09-02T03:56:26Z

Mystique is still hanging in. Friday night I thought that was it, and Saturday. She was not able to hold her food down, so I decided...Tuesday we would do the horrid deed. Well yesterday she was fine, and today as well. She's still urinating on the rags, but the food stayed down at least. She's just tired all the time now. Still, I can't bring myself to make that decision. I've done it before, kittens going before their time, Omen who was only 3 or 4 himself when he got ill....but I just don't want to let her go yet.

Ok, moving on, today started September 1st. What does that mean? It means get my bloody body back in shape! I did stomach exercises with Christopher and Holly this morning, tomorrow I will too, might even get on the bike and might pick up that jump-rope again, AND I joined the martial arts school. I WILL get my butt and thighs back, and maybe my face narrower again too!

AhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHH!

2003-08-20T20:50:12Z

Ohmygod...tomorrow...my court case will FINALLY see the inside of a court house tomorrow! As if life is not full enough (my god...it actually made me paint my nails!) 6 years....and a lot of praying. I can't even let myself THINK of what can come of this. Counting chickens would be too easy to do, and my life's been a bit too black to think about counting chickens, or to RISK counting chickens. SOOOO fingers are crossed, this will be a long deal unless they settle out of court during jury selection (here's hoping)

Mystique is pretending to be better, which is fine by me. She LOVES baby food, has it 2x a day now, and I'm used to extra laundry for her well positioned "accidents" She's being consistant, and I know she doesn't do it out of any sort of spite. I don't even care that she's scratching the wooden hamper to bits, let her scratch, long as she's sharpening her nails and groomins she's better in my eyes. Even if it is just temporary. It will be unbearable for a while without her. I'm used to her greeting me at the top of the stairs now and racing over to where I feed he her special food. I love her so much, and cherish every moment the goddess is granting to her life.
'

Dealing

2003-08-14T03:58:44Z

More cat stuff. Mystique is doing ok on the prednesone. I let her pee on the towels, she doesn't like the litterbox anymore and for all I care she can pee where she wants. She's eating very tiny bits of Iam's kitten food, and any broth from freshly opened cans. My fridge is now filled with cans with the broth licked off, and Mischief is getting fat on all the extras I give him before it goes bad! Dart isn't as much of a pig :)

Visit with my parents went well, dinner was awesome, melt in your mouth filet mignon, followed by us all watching Spiderman before they headed back to Brads. Next time we see them is Saturday when they come here to watch Holly test for her Gold Belt. *beams* And it's late...what else is new. To bed with me!